I am a woman
Like many of you, I am a broken woman. The Church that I thought I loved clipped my wings, and told me with its actions, that I was not worthy to lead or sit at “important decision” making tables. I was left out in the cold, shivering with pain, an no “male leadership” came to my rescue. All I have ever wanted to do is serve Jesus with my gifts, but I didn’t meet the Church’s conditions and my “unapproved” gifts were ignored and rejected.
I Am A Woman.
Like many of you, I am strong, hard-headed, and stubborn, but my heart hurts for those who have been marginalized, disenfranchised, oppressed, and forgotten. This is because I have been marginalized, disenfranchised, oppressed, and forgotten. I have been limited. I have been told that I “can’t” do things that I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually capable of doing. “That is not your functioning role,” they say. Yet, I am capable and gifted to function in many roles. I need love, but I equally need respect.
I Am A Woman.
Like many of you, I am a person who struggles. Boy, do I struggle! My mind and my heart are more than I can handle sometimes. I stand. I fall. I stand. I fall. I stand. I fall. I Stand. I hate to disappoint and I hate being judged, so I hide all of the things I am ashamed of. I don’t trust people. I don’t let people in. I am deeply sensitive, but this world we live in tells us that “sensitive” is weakness, so I hide that too. In some seasons, I isolate myself and I am lonely quite often.
I Am A Woman.
Like many of you, sometimes I am terribly moody and mean to my husband, because I know he will forgive me and love me unconditionally. Other times, I am as sweet as pie and as warm as a sunny day. With everyone else, I hide behind my smile. Everything is AWESOME! My Facebook pictures are perfect because I took 25 pictures to get one nice picture and then I added a filter.
I Am A Woman.
Like many of you, I march to the beat of my own drum. I go against the grain. I don’t let people put me in ill-fitting boxes. I have been rejected and misunderstood throughout my life, because I refuse to submit to people’s “less controversial,” fluffy, views. I would rather be poor, and be me. No amount of money, no title, and no platform is worth suppressing my extraordinary mind, heart, and point of view. I will be me and I DO care who likes it or not, but I will still be me.
I Am A Woman.
Like many of you, I feel guilty that I don’t spend enough time with my family, my friends, my nephews, and my grandmother. I feel guilty when I eat cookies for breakfast. I feel guilty when I spend money on things I don’t need. I feel guilty that I never pick up my phone, because I hate talking on the phone. I am an introvert and an extrovert, which can be a difficult type of personality to manage. I feel guilty about that too.
I Am A Woman.
Like many of you, I am stressed about my future. Will I ever make it? Will I ever have a real career? Will I ever have babies? Will I adopt? Will I stay in Pennsylvania or will I move? Will I go back to school? Should I get a part-time job at Starbucks this summer? Will my marriage last forever? What will I do if my husband dies before me? Will I gain the weight I lost back? Will I ever not be anxious?
I Am A Woman.
Like all of you, I am a complex creation, made in the image of God. My God is as a Father who finds joy in watching me succeed and as a Mother who would wrestle a bear to save my life. I am rescued and I am being rescued. I am not yet all that I am, but I am becoming more myself each day. I don’t spend enough time with God, but I do know God and God knows me. The God of the universe knows me, loves me, and likes me. In my Savior’s eyes, I am never “too much,” and I am always enough – just as I am and right where I am at.
I Am A Woman.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.~Psalm 139:14
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