Fathers helping mothers
She was a beautiful woman heading for a lifetime of mission work. We were driving a southern Ontario road. And this is what she asked me.
"Would you ever consider moving overseas?"
"No," I said, feeling a little bit pagan.
But really, this woman, a Canadian obstetrician concerned about mothers dying during childbirth in the developing world, was going to Yemen. I pictured myself barefoot, carrying water in some dusty village.
I explained to her something about my calling. And you know, you don't mess with someone's calling. It's too big, too much of God, too sacred and untouchable.
In fact, my raison d'etre, I explained, was working in the media. In Canada. That was the terrain for which I had the right footwear.
But not long after, this woman, Jean, and I married and moved to Yemen together. Now with three kids, including an adopted African girl, we live in Uganda most of the year. And I coordinate communication for Save the Mothers, the charitable program Jean founded.
How could this be? How was I transformed from focused journalist to staunch supporter of needy mothers? And what, if anything, does this mean for other men who are out there minding their own business with their own important things?
It's a fair question around Father's Day. And it was recently asked of me: "Thom, what can Canadian fathers do for the dying mothers of the developing world?"
Of course, fathers in developing countries have their own responsibilities to help their own wives with family planning and prenatal care and a host of other things to help give women honour, never mind life. For various reasons, many don't.
Others do. But many of mothers in impoverished countries with poor infrastructure still don't have access to a skilled attendant during child delivery. Often they have only their mother-in-law. As a result, up to half a million mothers worldwide, many just teens, die in brutal fashion every year.
We know God's heart breaks over this. And so, more than anything, I believe that as men on the wealthier side of the water, we first simply need to let our own hearts break. After all, when a woman dies blood-splattered, in septic shock, or with a half-born child wedged in her womb, on a dirt floor in some mud hut, this is not only a women's issue. It's a human issue.
And when untold infants then die motherless, and when other children are left orphaned, this is not just an issue for world health officials. It's one for the Church.
With that broken heart, men, yes men, can help make a difference for women they may never see. Learning about organizations like Save the Mothers is one important step.
Next thing you know, you're interested in one donation or another event or you're offering professional skills or you're following closer something like the current G8 talks on maternal health initiated by Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper.
Maybe listening to too much Keith Green music is what led me to Africa. Maybe attending all those Promise Keepers gatherings really did help me better appreciate both genders. Maybe growing up without my own mother, who died when I was in Kindergarten, was as much gain as loss.
Whatever my preparation, you have yours. And you may not even know it…yet. Such is the nature of life.
Certainly, one truth I've discovered is that pursuing one direction doesn't always preclude another. In fact, surprisingly, it often enhances it.
It's all something to think about, this idea of fathers helping mothers. On Father's Day. Or any day.
In addition to being communications coordinator for Save the Mothers, Thomas Froese is an author and freelance journalist. Contact him through www.thomasfroese.com. More on Save the Mothers is at www.savethemothers.org.
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