I grew up in the ’60s and ’70s and drew flowers and peace symbols on my pencil case and my walls. I was a pacifist. I guess that was the worldly side of me.

The spiritual side of me was in a war. I was a soldier. We would talk about it, read about it and pray about it. When we were too old to sing, “I may never march in the infantry… but I’m in the Lord’s army-y-y,” we started singing, “Onward Christian So-o-oldier-ers.”

Although I still can’t imagine myself in combat fatigues, I do understand conflict. I have struggled with envy and pride, lust and selfishness ever since I can remember. At least on my good days. Most days, if the truth be told, I don’t struggle nearly enough. I kibbutz with the enemy. I try to negotiate a compromise.

But during those rare moments of holy insight when I thirst for righteousness a little bit, I realize that I do have an enemy and that I need to fight because the stakes are high, for me, for my family, for the kingdom.

A big part of my struggle is still just figuring out who the enemy is, and rallying the energy to do combat.

Not everybody, apparently, has this problem.

A few years ago I heard a sermon about Santa Claus. This pseudo-Christ was usurping the place of godhead and leading children into idolatry. After all, Santa is only a misspelling of Satan. The preacher was declaring war. I did not sign up.

There have been other causes since then that have stirred up more excitement. Take Pokémon. They were the tool of the devil to infiltrate young minds with eastern sorcery and… Actually, they were so popular that kids were punching each other out to steal cards, so they were banned from most schools and we had to shift our cannon sights to another target.

We have tried and tired of Hollywood, Proctor and Gamble, Disneyland, Harry Potter, Tinky Winky…(Remember when Jerry Falwell called into question the purple Teletubby’s sexual preference?)

Now a new enemy has arrived on the scene, wearing square pants, no less.

James Dobson is making headlines by leading the charge against…SpongeBob. It seems the cartoon character is part of a video meant to promote multi-culturalism and cooperation, according to its producers. Dobson claims the video promotes tolerance for differences of sexual identity. According to National Post reporter David Kirkpatrick, “He urged his allies to stand together to stop it as part of a ‘spiritual battle’ for the country.”

Huh?

SpongeBob…a video that encourages kids to accept other people…a spiritual battle?

Am I the only one still fighting my own sin and selfishness? Has everybody else got that one licked? And what about the bigger issues of the Kingdom of God?

Donald Miller, in his book Blue Like Jazz, makes the following observation, “The churches I attended would embrace war metaphor. They would talk about how we are in a battle, and I agreed with them, only they wouldn’t clarify that we were battling poverty and hate and injustice and pride and the powers of darkness. They left us thinking that our war was against liberals and homosexuals…

“The truth is we are supposed to love the hippies, the liberals, and even the Democrats, and that God wants us to think of them as more important than ourselves. Anything short of this is not true to the teachings of Jesus.”

I agree with Miller. The church should be ready to love and serve Harry Potter and SpongeBob themselves if they walk through our doors. Unfortunately, it’s not likely they will.

So some of our number will go out looking for them, hunting them down, firing at them.

Count me out. I’m too busy battling my laziness and self-pity. And if by the grace of God I find the energy to serve, I hope to bless people—my kids’ gay friend, the tight and tired pastor, the neighbour who thinks he’s God, the AIDS victim who says there is no God.

And then I will draw peace symbols on my SpongeBob pencil case.