The Bible says, ‘It’s better to go to a funeral than a party’ [Ecclesiastes 7:2, The Message]," says Eric Tappenden of Chapel Ridge Funeral Home in Markham.

"The spiritual nature of people is awakened when a loved one dies. They become open and vulnerable."

Although the basic need for people to commemorate the life of a loved one and to reflect on some of the deeper questions connected to mortality are common across cultures and time, funeral practices take many forms depending on faith affiliation, geography and personal preferences.

Cremation grows in popularity

In Canada there has been a marked increase in the practice of cremation, from four per cent in 1963 to 47.7 per cent in the year 2000. But the variations are striking. The provincial average is 75.7 per cent in British Columbia compared to 9.8 per cent in Prince Edward Island.

Bill Buckley of Care Funeral Services in Victoria suggests that economics play a large role in the popularity of cremation on the west coast. "People here are very practical. Cremation is more cost-effective."

In Fredericton, where the cremation rate is high for the Atlantic provinces at 42 per cent, the practice has changed the funeral industry, says Ed Hamilton of McAdam’s Funeral Home and Crematorium.

Although Jewish, oriental and Islamic traditions still prohibit cremation, there has been a major shift in Christian thinking on the topic in recent decades.

The Catholic Church, which historically opposed cremation, declared it permissible in Vatican II in 1963.

Among Protestants, there is no consensus concerning cremation. For most, it is not a faith issue but one of personal preference. Ian Taylor is an exception. Author of Better to Bury than to Burn, Taylor believes cremation has been promoted by Free Masonry and has infiltrated our churches and deceived believers. "Cremation is an attack against the resurrection," says Taylor. "It defiles the land, and the Lord says He will judge the nations that practice it."

Taylor believes Jewish and Muslim practices are closer to the biblical model. Jewish coffins traditionally have six holes in the bottom to facilitate the decomposition of the body. The preferred Islamic practice is the washing and wrapping of the body, which is then deposited in the earth without a casket.

These practices respect the principle that the body should return to dust from whence God will resurrect it, according to Taylor.

Tappenden says evangelicals who come to his funeral home may or may not choose cremation for a variety of reasons, but rarely the ones cited by Taylor. Some prefer cremation for ecological reasons, including space and the toxicity of embalming fluids. Others prefer the simplicity and low cost. Others, because of family mobility, say the family burial plot has lost its significance.

Still others prefer to maintain traditional burial procedures because they feel it gives a better opportunity for families and friends to say goodbye. "Very few people have strong feelings about cremation and the resurrection. If God can put together a body that is decomposing, cremation shouldn’t be a problem," he says.

Celebration of life

Canadian funeral practices are changing in other ways as well. The actual funeral service has undergone a shift from a formal ritual focused on the grief of the family to a memorial service celebrating the life of the deceased. For Catholics and Anglicans, religious and memorial elements may be present, but in separate contexts. For most other Protestant denominations, the church or funeral chapel service is both an affirmation of faith in the resurrection and a commemoration of the loved one.

There is an ongoing discussion in Catholic and Anglican churches about the appropriateness of eulogies at the funeral mass. The Catholic "Order of Christian Funerals" states, "A eulogy is not permitted and there is no provision for a eulogy by the family in the ritual." The revised version allows for a "remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation" by a family member or friend.

According to Anglican Bishop Donald Young of Central Newfoundland, "Eulogies serve to elevate the celebration of the life of the deceased while diminishing the major theme of a Christian funeral in the Anglican tradition-resurrection."

James Moroney, a Catholic bishop, is quoted by Catholic News Service, "For some non-Catholic churches, the funeral is primarily a time for remembrance and celebration of a person’s life. For Catholics, however, the intercession for the dead is the central focus of the funeral liturgy."

Many church leaders in these traditions are trying to solve the dilemma by recommending families take the opportunity to talk about the life of the deceased at the funeral home or a reception following the mass.

Funeral directors agree that no matter what form it takes, a time of mutual support and remembrance is important for the family and friends.

"We find that we do a lot more grief counseling afterwards if a family does not take the time to mourn together," says Bert Gauthier, director of Dods and McNair Funeral Home in Orangeville, Ontario.

Patty McCulloch of McCulloch-Watson Funeral Home agrees: "People need to say goodbye."

"Sometimes we suggest that they at least have friends over for tea at the house," says Buckley.

Personalization of services

If celebrating the life of the loved one is the most prominent element in funeral practices, funeral directors across the country say the trend is now towards what they call the "personalization" of that celebration.

To respond to the diversity of requests, most funeral homes offer a complete package of services on site, including a chapel, visitation rooms and reception facilities. Many of the newer ones include a crematorium and columbarium. Some have developed facilities and programs for children.

Families are increasingly selecting and adapting these services to fit their own values, budget, personalities and faith. "Thirty years ago, people asked us what to do. Now they are telling us what to do," remarks Hamilton.

Memorial services and visitation time often include humourous anecdotes, the participation of grandchildren, photos of the deceased, and the playing of their favourite music. "We had Stompin’ Tom Connors stompin’ away for a day and half at one of our funerals," says McCulloch.

Mount Royal Commemorative Services in Montreal has recently contracted a video company that can produce a video presentation of the life of the deceased in 48 hours and provides DVD copies to the family.

Many people are bringing personal tokens to the funeral home as well. Funeral personnel mention objects such as a sewing kit, glasses, an apron, a shovel, a guitar. "Once we had a man drive a golf cart into the visitation room," says Tim Thompson of Mount Royal. Most funeral homes now provide a picture board to display photographs. Some have drawing paper available, especially for the children who may then express grieving through art.

"I’ve done this for over 25 years," says Buckley, "and I have come to the conclusion that the funeral industry is based on feelings." He says it is the job of the funeral director to encourage the family to do what works best for them emotionally.

"Grieving people are hurting deeply," says Tappenden. "We minister to them by helping them grieve in a healthy way."

Difference faith makes

Most people, whether or not they are church-goers, still request the participation of clergy in the memorial service, although, according to funeral directors, there is an increase in requests for a non-religious celebrant to lead a service.

Some Christian funeral directors say they notice a difference in the way believers and non-believers grieve.

Tappenden observes, "There is a striking difference in the tone of the funeral when people have Christian faith, because they have hope. The attitude of celebration is different."

"People of faith deal with death better than people without. They have hope. They feel supported. Having a church home gives the grieving family a sense of community," says Gauthier. McCulloch believes Christian people heal faster.

The faith of the service provider can also play a role in offering compassion to grieving families, whether or not the families are religious. "Your own faith informs the way you act with people," says Tappenden, who considers his role to be one of servanthood.

"This is full-time ministry for us-a very direct ministry."