Respect is a Christian value

A brief meditation on manners and civility

Our times are not characterized by restraint. Decorum is diminishing and rudeness is rampant. Politicians “oink” in the House of Commons. Classroom conversations are spiced with vulgarities. Busy freeways seethe with road rage and skies are increasingly clouded by air rage. Office environments are polluted by vitriolic e-mails. Surly service and crude language are epidemic. People talk in theatres and spit on sidewalks. Even church services seem bereft of reverence.

None of this is really new, of course. Disorder, disregard, irreverence and irresponsibility are part and parcel of the human condition. It’s what we’re most inclined to do, the way we most naturally behave. The bias of human nature is toward selfishness, which results in a lack of proper regard and respect for others. And it doesn’t make for good society. In the days of the judges of Israel, this tendency is captured in a telling phrase: “All the people did what was right in their own eyes.”

Corporate response

It’s interesting to watch today’s corporations attempting to deal with the consequences of a society that encourages people to focus on themselves. Wal-Mart must school its employees with detailed procedures of how to acknowledge customers, establish eye contact and offer immediate personal assistance. Safeway cashiers are required to relate to customers by name. The problem runs deeper than remedial education about the niceties of casual interaction. Elite business schools are scrambling to create ethics programs because qualities like loyalty and honesty cannot be assumed.

What’s missing from too much of contemporary life is a proper sense of regard for the needs of others. Do we really need to get paid to be kind, courteous and helpful? Do people really need to shout in order for us to listen? Must we really be provocative before we gain a hearing? Will nobody simply pay attention?

Good manners are a good start. Before they deteriorate into mere mannerisms, at any rate, manners show respect and develop habits of attentiveness. Manners are the lubricating oil of social interaction, a salve reducing the inevitable friction. Manners are a subtle and habitual way of acknowledging the presence and value of the people around us. In and of themselves, manners are insignificant tokens of regard, but they do help nurture an environment of respect.

Beyond etiquette

The Bible is not a handbook of etiquette by any stretch of the imagination, but it clearly addresses the deeper issues of civility. It teaches habits, lifestyles and attitudes that accord enormous value and worth to individuals, while at the same time encouraging everyone to hold others in higher regard than they hold themselves.

The foundation of respect begins at the very beginning, when God created human beings “in his image.” The implications are clear. As Richard Mouw puts it: “Every human being, no matter how sinful he or she has become, deserves to be treated with the reverence that is appropriate to a creature who has been lovingly fashioned by God.”

That presents an enormous challenge to the rest of us fallen individuals. We find it much easier to disdain the unlovely around us even as we covet great grace for ourselves. How unlike Jesus, the exemplar extraordinaire of God’s high regard for his created beings, who in his life identified with sinners and with his dying breath ushered a convicted thief into Paradise.

Ever since Jesus left the earth, the Holy Spirit has been charged with the responsibility of fanning the divine spark, encouraging the people of God to discover their full potential. And, curiously, the results of a Spirit-filled life are the sorts of things that nurture civility, including love, patience, kindness, generosity, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Selfish pursuits may be the order of the day. Rude and crude are definitely in. So what else is new? It could be a lot worse. The ongoing efforts of the people of God have made and will continue to make a profound difference. The world is a better place because of them. Just don’t expect anyone to say thank you.